"Confidence: a deep inner-knowing that you belong in this world just as much as anyone else."

Confidence comes from a sense of belonging. It comes from knowing deep down inside that you are allowed to show up in the world just as you are, because no matter how crowded the world seems, there is still a place for you. Even when the relationship has severed. Even when there doesn’t seem to be an opportunity to progress at your job. Even when the room you’re in is filled with people who are far more successful than you. Even when you have no idea what this next season of your life is going to look like. Confidence is knowing that there is still a place for you and you are free to belong, right here where you are.

Learning to be confident is a lifelong journey, and it’s often something we have to visit over and over again, in different settings and stages of life. What it took to be confident in primary school is different than what it took in high school. What confidence looks like on a college campus looks different when you’re with your colleagues. Feeling confident in your own skin may look one way with your friends, but entirely different when you are with your family.

It’s okay if you’re still trying to figure out what confidence looks in this season, because the secret is: no one has completely figured out yet. Someone may be a natural born leader, outgoing and charismatic, or an expert in their field, but it is impossible to live with absolute confidence and assurance about everything. Everyone has an “I don’t know.” Even the wisest of us all.

However, the “I don’t knows” don’t have to stop you from being confident. You can still breathe deep and take a mindful look at each day, and go searching for where you belong. And not just which friend group you belong to or which meeting you should be able to attend, but how you belong in the greater picture, and how you belong deep within.

Here are some things you can ask yourself to connect with a sense of confident belonging in daily life:

“What song, encouraging word, or story have I heard recently that I really identified with?”
“Who am I able to talk to with ease, without fear that I am secretly being judged?”
“What place can I always go to where I do not feel the same tension I feel other places?”
“What settings do not make me feel like I have to perform or meet someone’s expectation?”
“What childhood friends, places, or things made me feel like I could unapologetically be myself. How can I foster a similar feeling in my life today?”

Even though these questions have to with physical places, things, and people, they point to something deeper: you feel safe in those spaces. You feel related to and identified with...you feel like you belong, just as you are, and you are not defined by your flaws. You are naturally feel just a little more confident there.

You may not be able to spend all of your time in that space, but you can use them as landmarks in your mind to be reminded that even though you feel disconnected in some environments, that does not mean you feel disconnected everywhere. You may be standing in a hallway, feeling like some doors are always closing on you, but confidence reminds you: there are other doors. There are others places where you are welcomed.

Learning to be confident is learning to be present to wherever you are, as you are, knowing that no matter the current room or space you are in, you are a part of a bigger picture. You belong here just as much as anyone else.

More tomorrow…

Sincerely,
Morgan Harper Nichols